


Lost Shirts on the Tide

by Verisimilitudinous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: A Few bg ships, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Human Jake English, Human John Egbert, M/M, Mer Dave, Mer Dirk, Merstuck, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, This is probably badly written, mermaid au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Verisimilitudinous/pseuds/Verisimilitudinous
Summary: Your name is John Egbert and you are going to have the best summer break ever at your cousins’ house, even though you weren’t really prepared for it. But still, this was gonna be pretty fucking awesome!Even if at some point it gets turned on its head by the fact that there're two mermen residing on the beach along with you, apparently.





	Lost Shirts on the Tide

Your name is John Egbert and you are going to have the best summer break _ever_ at your cousins’ house, even though you weren’t really prepared for it. But still, this was gonna be pretty fucking awesome!

But… how did you get here again? Let’s start from the start, shall we?

So, somehow your cousin Jade had managed to ‘convince’ you and your older sister Jane to spend your summer break with her and your older cousin Jake at their massive beach house in Corpus Christi instead of locking yourself away with a lifetime’s supply of takeout and video games. It’s not like you don’t like your green-eyed relatives though!

You guess this is because the Harley-English family and the Crockerberts haven’t really interacted as much as Jade and Jake would like. Even though you literally all hang out every weekend either movie marathoning or going to the arcade or something like that. And you all hang out at college at any time you all have nothing dire to do, and your dorms are literally right next to each other, so you four have sleepovers all the time. But you and Jane both knew that when they handed you plane tickets, Jake giving you yours and Jade presenting to Jane, that your fates were set in stone.

Back to the main story, after a tiring plane trip from your humble state of Washington to the fireball that was Texas and bumbling around with the taxi driver with the address, you finally arrive at the beautiful beach house, which is really big and fancy looking. You know that Jade and Jake have a lot of money and stuff from their grandparents on them due to inheritance so go figure that they’d be able to get this, as well as paying for your tickets (you really have to thank them for that though).

You haven’t been here before, and neither has Jane, mainly because you tend to spend your summer breaks doing your own things like staying at home, marathoning your favourite movies or something, and Jane’s off working at the bakery or movie marathoning with you, and you like it better when you’re with Jane because you often spend over 24 hours movie marathoning with her, which is always so much fun! But you guess you’ll be doing the exact same thing, but it’s gonna be with Jade and Jake! And you can’t even imagine what that’d be like.

Jane takes the responsibility of ringing the doorbell, and after a few seconds Jade excitedly flings the door wide open, (you swear if she had pushed it just a bit more she would have broken the door straight off its hinges) and embraces you with a bone-crushing hug “John! I’m so glad you’re here!”

“Hey Jade! It’s good to see you’re still alive and kicking!” you chirp back happily. After she finally lets you go to hug Jane, you’re taken into Jake’s gentler arm on your shoulder. Being perky runs in the family you guess. You smile warmly and laugh off Jade’s big bear hug, then formally greeting Jake and sharing banter. Afterwards everybody walks inside and…

Wow.

It’s beautiful, the walls are a pleasing cream, the floorboards a sharply contrasting dark brown. All over the walls are exotic paintings and maps all over the walls, and plants are placed everywhere. There are pretty Arabic rugs on the floor too! You’ve always wanted one of those!! They’re super fancy and feel really nice to touch!

“There’re two guest rooms upstairs!” Jade offers, pointing in some sort of direction on the upper level. “You and Jane can choose between the two, I guess!”

Both of you thank Jade as you both lug your luggage up the stairs, and the both of you don’t even look twice at the rooms you’re in before opening the doors, dumping your bags and falling straight asleep.

* * *

 

After napping the afternoon away in one of the guest rooms because you were _so tired_ , you find yourself being shaken awake vigorously by Jake in the evening, who smiles when you blearily open your eyes. “John! You sleep like the dead, I tell you!” he chirps, ruffling your hair. “In any case, we’re having a beach bonfire tonight! You don’t want to miss one of those, I tell you!” he tells you reverently, his eyes sparkling.

You’ve never actually been to a beach bonfire, mainly because you didn’t have the beach part to play with since you and your family didn’t go to the beach all that often. But hey, it does sound like a lot of fun anyway! “When is it Jake?” you ask him. He beams at you.

“Rather soon! I suggest you mosey on over as soon as you can, it’s going to be a blast!” he says as he smiles at you brightly. He gives you the classic Jake English wink and finger guns as he leaves. You force yourself out of bed and stretch, looking at yourself briefly in the mirror.

You didn’t change when you conked out, however your clothes are still clean and wearable, albeit slightly wrinkled. You’re not wearing anything too unusual, you’d say. Your favourite vintage Ghostbusters shirt, blue jeans, basic stuff. For footwear you aren’t entirely sure what’s suitable for this occasion, so you slip on your old blue Vans. Seems good enough.

It turns out Jake was waiting outside your door, which was really nice of him, and he beams at you when you come out. “You ready to have a smashing good time? It’s going to be aces!” You nod excitedly. You follow your cousin through the house until you finally reach where you’re supposed to be, which is outside, and quite literally as soon as you step outside you’re on the beach.

Jane and Jade are waving at you, so you and Jake run over, each of you probably looking like you’re on multiple espresso shots. You see a picnic basket and a cooler full of cans. This is gonna be so awesome!

“Rate the gaming setup, huh?” Jade calls out to you jokingly, and you give her 10 fingers as a nice little joke. You judge about the place a bit and decide to sit down in the sand next to Jane, who’s looking out at the sea with a dreamy expression on her face. “It’s pretty, isn’t it?” you ask her.

Jane jumps a bit but realises it’s just you. “Yes, it is rather beautiful. We don’t see enough of this, really…” she trails off, and you can’t really blame her. The two of you are brought back to attention by Jade’s whoops, and you turn around to see Jake bring out a massive bag or marshmallows, graham crackers and chocolate. “These are for later Jade! Hold your horses!”

“But s’mores are the greatest Jake, I wanna have ‘em right now!” After some classic Harley-English banter and Jake and Jade throwing playful arm punches back and forth, they finally relent and Jade yanks out a big Tupperware container full of all sorts of good looking food. Everyone picks up something, you deciding to take a fancy towards a tasty looking grilled cheese and a can of Pepsi. You then plonk yourself back down where you were sitting, Jane following suit.

Jake and Jade also sit beside the two of you, so you spend the time you have enjoying the dying sun with your family, stuffing your faces, making jokes and recalling anecdotes until the sun goes down.

* * *

 

It’s around 9pm and the sun has been replaced by the moon, the stars are twinkling overhead and the fire’s still raging, and everyone’s forgone their shoes because the sand beneath your feet feels rely nice. The s’mores only came out a few minutes ago because at some point you all got involved in a debate over whether or not it’d be possible to actually blow up the moon (it was you and Jake on the yes side and Jade and Jane on the no side). You’ve just finished your s’more so you take to looking out at the water again.

 It’s eerily beautiful at night, the ocean a deep, almost black inky blue. You begin to zone out but something catches your attention.

A flash of red.

A _shiny_ flash of red.

You’d probably blame this on your eyesight and how long you’ve been staring if it had been a purple or a paler shade of blue, but red was definitely a very non-ocean watery colour, considering how far out you were and the time of day, well, time of night. Which wasn’t far out at all.

Also the water showed some disturbance, namely splash foam and ripples. Was someone swimming this late at night? You guess Jade wouldn’t be averse to taking a dip at this hour, but Jade isn’t swimming at this very moment (she’s currently attempting to roast 6 marshmallows on one stick) and you feel this is something you feel like you should check out.

“John? John are you quite alright?”

You jump a bit, and Jake’s shaking your shoulder. He looks a little nervous. “Yeah Jake, I’m fine! I was just admiring the view. What’s up?” you chuckle nervously at the end.

“I…” Jake starts. “Could you accompany your dear cousin on a quaint little stroll?” You nod, but you’ve been through this sort of thing before.

Jake will only pull you aside if he wants to tell you something.

After Jake rambunctiously assures the girls the two of you aren’t going to make a raft and go to South America or stay up too late, the two of you are doing the most cliché shit ever, walking down the beach at night. You’ve walked for a few minutes before you elbow Jake lightly and give him an expectant look.

Jake sighs, then begins to speak. “I think there might be other beings here.”

You blink and step back. Normally if Jake says something like that he’s normally attempting to make some sort of joke about one of his adventures, but it’s still unbelievable… slightly.

“Jake, what are you talking about?” you ask him, and Jake sighs.

“I know it sounds rather improbable, but… Sometimes I spot flashes at night of this… _orange_ , you see. At first, I thought my mind was playing tricks on me, because it just seemed like something my mind would procure, however…

“I kept seeing the same orange flash in the water, every time I came back, at different times of day. It’s been like this for two years and I’m not sure if someone’s playing a prank or something else but it’s bugging me and-!”

You put an arm on Jake’s shoulder. “Well, where do you see them most often?” Maybe you believe that this is a bunch of bullshit but if it stops Jake from worrying then it’d be worth it, you guess?

You can also explore the red flash you saw as well!

So this isn’t really a bunch of bullshit just yet because you’re both seeing similar things!

Jake looks at you for a second as if _you’re really doing this for me?_ But then he leads you down the path to a rocky area.

It’s full of multiple shaped rocks, some flat, some jagged spires, and there’s even a cave thingy? So cool! There’re also rock pools further on but from the way Jake’s leading you to the water now you’re thinking that isn’t your final destination.

Jake and you wade in thigh deep water before you decide to forgo your shirt because that shirt is _vintage_ and it’s GHOSTBUSTERS and _like hell_ you’re letting that get wet! So you decide to hang your shirt on one of the spired rocks, which the low tide won’t sweep away any time soon.

It’s probably a stupid idea but it’d take too long to run back to the beach house and Jake can only wait for someone max once a day.

Finally the two of you reach some point where you see an opening in the rocks, which you think is the cave like thing, and he points in the opening’s direction. “In the right light, I see the most flashes close by here.”

“Wait you didn’t just drag me here to explore with you, did you? It’s not like I wouldn’t say no but give a cousin some warning!” you exclaim playfully. Jake gives you a sheepish smile, but you shake your head and move inside.

Neither of you brought anything that might help you see better, so you’re both stuck using the light of the moon to see around, and it’s not what you’re expecting.

It reminds you of a house with how well it’s taken care of. Well, as well as a cave can be taken care of anyway. There’s a pool of water in the middle, so any form of solid rock is in a ring surrounding it. On one side there’s a whole bunch of… you think those are fossils? You walk closer and _holy shit,_ they are fossils! And fish skeletons? You scan the whole pile and you realise everything’s just some sort of… dead.

It’s not like decomposing seaweed or rotten flesh or anything, it’s just fossils and bones, which you think is pretty weird, but you can get behind it. It’s probably your inner biologist.

There’s a whole bunch of trinkets everywhere, it’s actually kinda like a bank vault but on the beach!  Wait, is someone… actually using this place for something?

You turn to Jake, and he’s inspecting the other side, which is full of metal things; leftover cutlery, what appeared to be some form of walkie talkie and anything and probably everything remotely metallic. You hear a gasp as Jake picks up something. “Grandma’s compass! But… I swore it was in the attic?! How in the name of Jiminy Crickets did it get here?”

“You probably dropped it on the beach?” you try, and since it’s a semi acceptable reason Jake nods, albeit tersely. “But still, John… I don’t know who, or what, but this place isn’t for lease by any means.”

It’s kind of unsettling.

“We should head back,” you suggest, feeling uneasy. Jake’s quick to follow suit, following you out as you carefully slide into the water and back to the shore. You pass by the rock to grab your shirt, but as you look up-

It’s not there.

“John?” Jake calls from behind.

“My shirt.”

“What?”

“My shirt… It’s not here!”

This is an emergency. That was one of your most prized possessions. And you know for a fact the wind wasn’t blowing, and the tide’s low.

Whoever stole this was gonna pay.

You then hear Jake wallow closer. “Maybe it’s the fellows back there or something?” you look back. Jake’s looking puzzled, because he knows the same things you do.

“If they did they better fucking bring it back,” you snap.

Since you’re not going to let this slide, you and Jake trek back to the cave. When you finally arrive you clamber back in quietly, but this time you hear… voices?

“What even is this?” the first one mutters. “The fuck do you do with it?” You realise the voice has an accent, and it’s Southern. Guess they live locally or something.

“Don’t look at me, how should I know jack shit about this thing,” the other voice replies back, also Southern. But this one sounds older…?

Jake taps your shoulder, and when you turn it’s apparent he’s as confused as you. It’s not stopping the two of you from eavesdropping though.

“It feels soft…” the younger one says. “And holy shit, it smells so fuckin’ sweet…”

“OK first of all dude that’s so fuckin’ gross.”

“Excuse me it’s not like you’re any better.”

“You’re literally smelling some random think with holes and the weirdest picture on it ever and it smells good to you that classifies as gross man.”

“You smell it then you tell me how it smells.”

“FUCK NO you asshole!”

“Your loss.”

It then hits you like a freight train they’re talking about your shirt. Jake’s staring at you and your face is heating up a bit.

“So hey where did you even find that… thing?” The older one yawns.

“On a rock. Finders keepers man, that’s the rules.”

Fucking finders keepers your ass. That’s _your shirt_ and it belongs to _you_ and whenever you meet this guy you’re going to _kick some hiney_ is all you can say. Even if he somehow likes the smell of it.

That’s flattering but also strange like do you really smell good? You don’t really want to think about that.

“Whatever you weirdo, I’m going the fuck to sleep…” The older one gives in and you hear a splash. Were they… actually talking in the water? What the heck? If you can talk on dry land wouldn’t you just do that?

Then it becomes apparent the older one had the metal/ broken tech collection. “Did you steal my fucking shit again?”

“Why would I want your shit dude? It’s shit for a reason.”

“Yeah well the thing I found on the beach ain’t there.”

“Be more specific asshole we’ve found a lotta crap on the beach.”

“The weird thing that has that weird pointy thing that spins around and shit.”

“The thing that was gold and had the glass?”

“Yeah that one.”

Now it’s apparent they’re talking about Jake’s family heirloom, which he’s gripping tighter. Lots of things are becoming apparent.

“Dude why are you even so pissed over it?”

“Because it’s the coolest shit I’ve found to date.”

“You don’t even know what it does why is it cool?”

“Because that shit’s totally ancient man, like it had all that cool stuff on it.”

“And dead things are old as well but they’re not cool, is that right?”

“Anything you call cool is automatically stupid.”

“Fuck you too.”

“Whatever, some fucker took it. And the only fucker who could’ve is you.”

“As I’ve said before why the fuck would I want all that crap?”

This reminds you a lot of the debate you had before.  But with a lot more swearing.

Jake is leaning further onto you, maybe because he wants to hear better, but you nudge him back like _dude my legs can’t take your shit_. Unfortunately, he doesn’t get the correct message, and it becomes pretty damn awkward as he pushes against you further, and then you lose your balance and you both slip and fall onto the rock, making some form of noise that isn’t exactly super duper quiet.

Shit.

“What the fuck?” the two say in unison.

You both know what to do because this is exactly like when you and Jake were kids and you were both sneaking around at midnight attempting to prank somebody but they catch you in the act.

Jake and you both attempt to run but unfortunately Jake slips, you following suit, which is pretty stupid like 2 slips in one night?  So dumb. You two are being big klutzes tonight.

Anyway you’re currently feeling the stone under your elbows and it isn’t very comfortable! But you guess Jake’s got it worse considering he’s semi-supporting your whole body and he’s on the rock directly so uh, rest in peace dear cousin. You’ll be remembered as a war hero English.

“The fuck…?” You hear the splashing and Jake’s nudging you saying either turn around or get the hell off, but in all honesty you can’t really move.

_Because something’s feeling up your leg._

_Something’s feeling up your leg holy shit it’s a wet thing and it feels like a hand but not a normal hand what the fuck?_

Jake lets out this weird noise and you can only imagine something’s getting touchy feely with him too and since he’s way too used to wrestling with you and Jade he does what he’ll always do and kicks back. And he gets lucky, it seems.

“OW! WHAT THE FUCK?!” one of the two voices shouts, and you’re quick to scramble up on your feet (minding Jake as best you can) as you look back at the scene behind you.

Your eyes are probably as wide as saucers, you bet.

There are two people there… Well, kind of people? You tack that on because you see their fucking fish tails, one red, one orange and you’re not sure what this is supposed to mean like?

Are those bona fide merpeople?

The orange merguy’s rubbing his arm with a hand with this weird almost translucent orange webbing, so you put two and two together and ta da, that’s where Jake kicked him. The red guy’s looking at his accomplice’s arm and looks pretty confused. Jake’s backing away slowly, looking just about ready to beg for mercy on his sorry ass (NO WE AREN’T TALKING ABOUT HIS ASS RIGHT NOW IT’S NOT IMPORTANT) and it’s all kind of surreal.

You also take in their appearances. The windows match the tail fins apparently, the red mer having these bright red eyes, the orange mer with eyes like amber. They have extremely pale hair, you can’t tell if it’s platinum blonde or even just white, and they’re pretty toned, but also kind of thin. And of course, their tails. They’re longer than what human legs kind of measure up to, but they remind you of koi fish tails, which means they’re really pretty! There’s also webbing in between their hands, and gills in their necks.

After finally taking your eyes off of their bodies, you notice them staring. “I’m so sorry!” you blurt out. “Uh, I hope there’s no hard feelings and we’ll be out of your hair as soon as possible um-!”

Your tirade is cut short by your brain, which is most likely spontaneously combusting because you realise that _you’re just talking like that to random merpeople_? Shouldn’t you be concerned if they’re like… man eaters or something?! They’re staring at you, Jake’s hiding behind you oh god this is so awkward.

And kinda scary.

“You’re all human and shit, right?” the red mer asks you. You nod, quickly looking back towards the cave opening before looking back at the merpeople. “Dude holy shit this is so cool. Dude your legs. Legs are so weird.” Wait wasn’t this the one who liked how your shirt smelled? OK he was. Wow.

“Dave what the fuck? We’re supposed to keep this whole ‘we exist’ thing on the downlow remember?” the orange guys snaps.

“OK first of all Dirk, chill the fuck out. It’s not like they’re gonna tell their fellow humans this shit,” red mer- wait his name’s Dave, replies calmly. “Like they’d believe them.”

“And they’re not going to capture us?” Dirk rants, gesturing to the two of you. You wouldn’t want to? “This is dangerous shit!” Dirk turns to you both “Look, let’s make it like we don’t exist if you wouldn’t mind.”

“What, you think we’re just going to sell your hides? We’re not bloody Elizabethans!”

Surprisingly Jake speaks up. Despite his normal aloofness if he’s scared and/or shocked he’ll pretty much become as useful as a box of lit matches in a forest fire as well as becoming highly prone to crying. “I bloody well think you two must be miserable as the days go by, just swimming about the same patch of great blue! Maybe you have friends but you two look as lonely as The Little Tramp when Edna leaves him behind!”

Dave and Dirk look just as shocked as you (also probably kinda lost about the Chaplin reference because they probably don’t even know what he’s talking about), and Jake isn’t even done, “Actually, I think we should acquaint with each other!  Maybe it would be just us, but we’d keep it a very good secret!” you notice Jake’s cheeks are kinda pink.

Dirk looks conflicted. But there’s something in his eyes; he wants this, more specifically Jake or some sort of companion, even though he only just found out now Jake English is a thing these days. Dirk looks like a guy Jake would like, you guess? Maybe romantically, maybe in a different way, you don’t know, even if you just implied Jake would date a merman, which he probably would considering Jake and his crazy ideas.

You don’t think you’d date a merman though. Maybe.

Dave also seems to like the idea, and he’s smirking at his brother, which by the looks of it it’s something he does a lot. “If Dirk isn’t going to be a piece of soggy seaweed that sounds pretty fucking rad.” You notice he’s looking directly at you while he says that.

Becoming friends with a merman? Especially that one? Even though he’s this ‘cool guy’ merman (does that stereotype even exist?) and he’s potentially dangerous considering his figure (which you haven’t been subconsciously studying and remembering no way) and everything else about him but he’s also probably a huge fucking nerd at the same time? Just a random hunch. Again, does that sort of mer person exist?

Also your brain is reminding you this merguy likes your natural scent brain please _stop_ you’re here all week we get it.

But it’s also an exciting prospect; learning new things abut the ocean, getting to know somebody new, making memories and shaking up your break!

“Sounds like a deal to me,” you chirp, and Jake smiles at you. Dirk finally gives in and nods once. “OK, fine. But this remains between us four.”

“OK Mom,” Dave says, earning him a side glare. “’Ight. Thanks for making the deal suckers. Now, we’re gonna need names here, it’s the law, if you get some of those so-called names from others you gotta give up the goods,” Dave jokes, leaning his arm on the edge.

You sling your arm around your cousin. “I’m John! And this is Jake!” you point at the respective person, just in case somebody’s confused.

“Nice to meet ya,” Dave grins, Dirk nodding along with him. Jake then yawns and then it hits you that you technically need to sleep and that the girls are expecting the two of you back at the house, so you bid Dirk and Dave farewell, promising you’ll return.

“Same place?” Dave calls out to you.

“Anytime too Dave!” you call back. His name rolls off your tongue quite nicely, you think. You see him give you a salute before he leaves your line of sight. Dirk stares at Jake for a bit, probably admiring his butt (yep still not talking about his butt do not ask John Egbert for information about it refer to Jake because this isn’t your territory), but you think he smiles at Jake, just a little.

Your name is John Egbert and you, along with your cousin, just made friends with two mermen. And your summer break is still going to be the best summer break ever.

You just know it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there!! This is an idea I've had buzzing about in my head for a while, so i finally decided to man up and set out! This is my very first time writing anything Homestuck, so it's probably really, really bad, however I hope you get something out of this!!


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